Under Construction: Yuge - The Musical. And when I say "under construction" I mean both the web page and more importantly, the Musical itself. I've got it mapped out and a bunch of songs are in progress.
"Yuge - The Musical"
Song List:
Overture.
I Hope, by Itty Bitty Nicky
I’m Yuge, by Yuge
Leave It, by Leave It
I'm Missy Garden Gnome
Me and My Conscience, by Silent Killer
Yes-Sir Gato, by Jesus, the White House Gardener
It’s Not Going Well, by Slight Penis
The Past was Juicy, by Jiffy He’s-Mean (the past)
Now is Not Too Good, by Melanie from Slovenia (the present)
The Future is Going to Suck… for You, by ABC (the future)
Take It, by Yuge (Happy Ending)
Welcome to the Gates of Hell, by Yuge (Bad Ending)
Credits.
The Great Unnaming
“Yuge, the Musical” – Libretto
Title Page and Opening Credits
“Yuge, the Musical”, words and music are by Mike Delaney (www.mikedelaney.org). FolkMikeDelaney on YouTube and Facebook.
This musical is a re-telling of Charles Dickens’ Christmas Carol. The main character is President Yuge, and the rest of the characters are his staff, family, and acquaintances. The musical was written at the end of 2025 and the beginning of 2026.
The songs in the musical were performed at the Catbird Café virtual Open Mike, hosted by Stephen Martin and Kathe Donlan. The Catbird Open Mike is sponsored by the New England Wildlife Center (www.newildlife.org).
The Narrator is former Vice President, Slight Penis.
"I Hope" sung by Itty Bitty Nicky, the “I Wish” song
The scene opens and a little boy is watching TV. He sees his mommy up in front of a bunch of people shouting out questions and she is giving back firm answers. Here’s the Narrator:
Narrator: Hello! You remember me, don’t you? I was the VP to Yuge a few years back. Yeah, that’s right…I’m Slight Penis. I’m going to help you travel through this story that we are calling, “Yuge”, because everything is always about Yuge. Right now, a little boy, Itty Bitty Nicky, is watching TV. His mother, Leave It, is trying not to give straight answers to the reporters’ questions in the White House Press Room. It’s the last Press Briefing before Christmas. Here’s Itty Bitty Nicky…
I’m Itty Bitty Nicky
My mommy’s Press Secretary
She works for the orange man
Who should be in a cemetery
There’s my mommy on TV
Like she is so many days
All the people shout at her
But firm she always stays
Chorus: I’m Itty Bitty Nicky And my mommy’s lies are icky
There’s stuff they all want to know
Toughly she answers back
Even if she doesn’t speak truths
She is never taken aback
I hope my mommy will stop talking
I hope my mommy will come home
I hope that orange badman
Will leave my mommy alone
Chorus
Bridge:
I now hate that orange color
I now hate that phony hair
I now hate the pile of lies
I now hate he’s standing there
I hope I can grow up
I hope we will still be free
I hope we will still be here
In the land of what can no longer be
I’m Itty Bitty Nicky
I want mommy to come home
Before she is taken out
By that witch, Missy Garden Gnome
Chorus: x2
“I’m Yuge” sung by President Yuge
The scene changes to the Oval Office?
Narrator: I’m sorry to blind you with all the gold reflections in the Oval Office, but that’s where Yuge is watching the Press Briefing.
I’m Yuge, and I am always right
I’m Yuge, and I am spreading fright
I’m Yuge, and your pain is my delight
And everyone is my stooge, because I’m Yuge
I’m Yuge, my ego is maniacal
I’m Yuge, my plan is diabolical
I’m Yuge, it’s even demoniacal
Though at times I’m a kluge, but I’m still Yuge
B-part:
Come to my shining Oval Office
In my beautiful White House
See the gold sparkling everywhere
Though you won’t see my beautiful spouse
Melanie is doing her own thing
But not at Mar-a-Lago of the North
She keeps a rather wide berth
I can’t even get her to go back and forth
I’m Yuge, and my rule is now law
I’m Yuge, and my tariffs are without flaw
I’m Yuge, would you call it chutzpah
But, don’t call me a scrooge, just call me Yuge
I’m Yuge, you’ll bend to my will
I’m Yuge, you’ll feel like swill
I’m Yuge, and getting “yuger” still
It’s playful subterfuge, from your dear leader, I’m Yuge
Tag:
Yes, I’m your dear leader, I’m Yuge
Spoken by Yuge: Now, let’s see how that Press Briefing with Leave It is going.
“Leave It” sung by Press Secretary Leave It
Narrator: We cut to the White House Press Room where Press Secretary “Leave It” is trying to wrap up the last press conference before Christmas. She was hoping no one would be here, but there’s one persistent reporter and she just wants to tell him to… “Leave It”.
A press briefing on Christmas Eve
With only one reporter still here
He keeps asking me Fox questions
What happened to holiday cheer?
I can’t get him to give it a rest
On Christmas Eve, I should be home
Doesn’t he have any family?
My little boy is home alone
Chorus: No follow up questions You have to “Leave It” Let my answers stand You have to believe it I gotta get home Can’t we just Leave It
It’s Christmas Eve
You should give me a gift
For Christmas Eve
I’m getting so miffed
Your questions are rambly
They set my mind adrift
I really need to go
Let’s make this super swift
Chorus
Bridge:
This has to end
Can’t you conceive it
I gotta go
I can no longer weave it
I’m sorry but with that
I’m gonna have to leave it
Chorus
A waste of my time
But Yuge wants it so
Give me a break
I really gotta go
One final question
And then we’ll be done
Get rid of this schmuck
And go home to my son
Chorus Tag: Can’t we just Leave It
“I’m Missy Garden Gnome” sung by Missy Garden Gnome
Narrator: Leave It looks out from the Press Briefing room to see what was the Rose Garden, before Yuge had it paved over, and she sees Missy Garden Gnome looking menacing at a German Shepard.
Hey, this used to be the Rose Garden
The new pavement is so smooth
I have to hunt down that German Shepard
That’s something Sleepy Joe wouldn’t do
The dog has been chasing the staff
All across the White House grounds
Snarling and barking and jumping
A terror to all around
Chorus: I’m Missy Garden Gnome Wanna take me home? If your puppy misbehaves I’ll put him under the loam If you have a problem pet I’ll put him down, you bet I can take care of goats, too If need be,… I’ll take care of you
The dog has even gone after Yuge
Trying to get him to leave
Trying to chase him away
Trying to give him the heave
I guess it’s a Democrat dog
I didn’t even know that could be
The dog needs to go
I’m so tough, that’s what they’ll see
Chorus
Bridge: <screeching>
Doggie, Get off of my back
Doggie, don’t mess up my hair
Doggie, not my lips
They are such a plump pair
I didn’t see you coming
You turned my makeup to gook
You chewed up my perfect lips
You’ve ruined/messed up my perfect look
Final Chorus: I’m Missy Garden Gnome I’m hiding in my home That dog did me in Made his mark on my skin So now I’m hiding out As I shamelessly pout I will not let you see That the dog did a number on me
Tag: I’m Missy Garden Gnome Does anyone have a comb?
Narrator: Also outside the White House is the President’s senior advisor, Silent Killer. He’s shouting at reporters about how he is advising the President about cleaning up the country, while his conscience has gone missing. Here’s his duet, called, “Me and My Conscience”.
Silent Killer:
I’m Silent Killer; My help they need
The time is now, to plant the seed
Make people want, a land that’s pure
We’ll clean it up, you can be sure
Remove the scum; that would be nice
We have the charge; We’ll build up ICE
Behind the scenes, I’ll lead the charge
My deep black shadow, is looming large
Missing Conscience: Hey Silent Killer, you know I’m lost I’ve gone away; I saw the cost I couldn’t stay; it was too evil I couldn’t take; your daily upheaval I’ve gone so far; I can’t be found Among the missing; deep underground Don’t even look; you’ll never find me I’ve been deported, from the land of the free
Duet: (Silent Killer and his Conscious)
Our country must be Christian and White You can’t succeed with only power and might
All immigrants must self-deport Your grandparents came from distance shores
We don’t want non-Christian fools But you attended Hebrew school
I’m in charge of important shit You are a scary hypocrite
Against birthright citizens to my final breath Your Conscience has been put to death
My Conscience, will never be found It’s buried six feet, under the ground.
Together: (several times and fade out)
Rest in Peace, my Conscience
6. “Yes-sir Gato”, sung by Jèsus, the Cuban White House Gardener
My name is Jèsus
I came here from Cuba
I’m the White House Gardener
It’s easier than it used-ta
There’s only one tree left
The rest were cut down
A fat Gato in that tree
He’s so furry and round
B-part:
The grin says he’s loco
And he only speaks in lies
They call him “Yes-sir Gato”
But I don’t know why
Chorus:
“Yes-sir Gato”
You keep telling lies
And with every one
Away your fur flies
You’re fading with time
Your lies do you in
‘Til all that’s left
Is your self-amused grin
He used to be fatter
But he’s slimming down
‘Cause with every lie
Less fur can be found
He never tells the truth
And you can be sure
With every time he lies
He loses a layer of fur
B-part:
Now all I can see
Is his loco grin
All the fat fur gone
It’s all that’s left of him
Chorus
Bridge: (spoken)
“Yes-sir Gato” says that Yuge will run again in ’28,
But I don’t think Yuge could run anywhere
If his life depended on it
Maybe it just gives “Yes-sir Gato” something to grin about
Before he and Yuge disappear completely
Oh, it would be so good if Yuge would disappear
Like all of the White House trees,
And the Rose Garden, and the East Wing
Yes, Yuge has got to go. Chorus: “Yes-sir Gato” Goodbye to your grin And take Yuge with you That would be a big win We need Yuge to go And then we can heal We’ll lift ourselves up That’s the art of our deal Tag:
Eighty sixing Yuge
Is the art of our deal
“It’s Not Going Well” sung by former Vice President Slight Penis
Narrator: Now it’s my turn. Yuge has stepped into the private dining room next to the Oval Office. He has eaten his usual lunch: a big mac, a quarter pounder with cheese, and a fillet of fish sandwich, and he has dozed off. I come to him in his daydream stupor to tell him about the three spirits that will visit him in his dreams tonight.
<slowly>
Yuge, do you remember me
I was your number two
We spent so much time together
You always told me what to do
“I’m dead to you” is what you’d say
And you hope no one has seen us
I need to tell you something
I was your VP, Slight Penis
Yuge, you never listened to me
I had your back. I spewed your lines
I was your loyal helper
Even though I saw your crimes
But there’s still time to do what’s right
You need to know all is not lost
You can still succeed to the max
You can prevail, no matter the cost
Chorus: <faster> It’s not going well Even you can tell The tide has turned You’re being spurned All your bridges burned Why haven’t you learned You’re destined for your own private hell And believe me, it’s not going well
Tonight when you finish “untruthing”… and fall to sleep
Your dreams will be taken over… by a ghostly three
Three spirits who will explore your life
And their insight will likely cut you like a knife
The first will come back… from your distant past
Someone you worked with,… though the partnership didn’t last
The second will be someone from your present
A former supporter who is now a staunch discontent
Bridge:
The third will explore what is yet to be
It’s not for certain,… but looks likely to me
Chorus: Yuge, the three spirits will tell That it’s not going well But you could set things right You have the power and the might To turn toward the light It’s still within your sight You could make it sell That you are now going well
TAG: You could make it sell That you are now going well
“The Past was Juicy” by sung by Jiffy He’s-Mean (the ghost from the past)
Yuge: (spoken) Is that you, Jiffy He’s-Mean? I haven’t seen you since we hung out on your island.What great times we had. Then they threw you in jail and you hung yourself. What a waste of a great man.
Jiffy:
Yes, Yuge, you and me, we were best friends
It’s too bad we got greedy and it came to an end
We had such a good thing. That’s what money can do
With plenty of sweet young things, for both me and you
You prefer the gold, while I favor the bronze
You tend towards orange, while I go for the blonds
You prefer the curves, I seek out athletic
But when you come down to it, we’re both pathetic
Chorus: The past was juicy We both know that’s true Hundreds of young beauties For both me and you We took careful looks We were selective and choosy What a feast for us The past was juicy
You were finding girls, so young and sweet
I had you send them to my place so we could meet
The younger the better, I jumped on them right away
Did what I needed to, so that would we could play
You said stop stealing your youngest girls working in your spa
They came along willingly; They could tell that I was a star
Then I saw a young one soaking in a tub
I took her for myself, but you threw me out of your club
Chorus
Bridge:
That was the end of our time; We went our separate ways
You focused on power, but I was still getting laid
You moved from one wife on to the next
But I think my wild lifestyle was the best
Chorus Tag: it was quite a doozy The past was juicy
“Now is Not Too Good” sung by Melanie (ghost from the present)
Narrator: Yuge, here comes the spirit from the present. It’s someone you know well.
Yuge: What is that I can see? Oh, my god! That looks like a simple, little house in a rural village. And that town sign, what does it say…Novo Mesto…where is that? Slovenia, you say. Never heard of it. No wait, that’s where my Melanie was from. And hey, I see her, what’s she doing there? She’s supposed to be in Mar-a-Lago.
Melanie:
Yuge, you have done me so wrong
Yuge, you didn’t even say so long
Yuge, you gave me such a fright
Yuge, you denaturalized me out of spite
And you sent ICE to pick up me
I couldn’t get the Secret Service to help me flee
They didn’t give me a chance to pack
They told me I’d never be coming back
They wouldn’t let me give Baron a kiss
They didn’t even let me take a whiz
<lousy rhyme, but with her accent, it’s probably OK>
You didn’t act like you should
So, you see, now it not too good
Chorus: Yuge, how could you do this to me? Yuge, you’re a spiteful cheat Yuge, you need to change, you really should Yuge, now is not too good
At least they got Slovenia to take me back
When I asked about my son, it was yack, yack, yack
You taught me how to shuck and jive
But, they wouldn’t even take a bribe
It’s so bad with no way back
I’m living in a crummy shack
I cried and cried, they didn’t care
I shouted and even messed my hair
I should have left you long ago
Now there’s nowhere I can go
You never cared or understood
And you see, now is not too good
Bridge:
If I were with you
Here’s what I’d say
You suck out the life
Out of my every day
Chorus Tag: Now it not too good; Now is not too good
“The Future is Going to Suck... for You” sung by new President ABC. (ghost from the possible future)
Narrator: OK, Yuge, that was distressing. Now, here comes the spirit of the time yet to come.
Yuge: Oh no, it’s that bitch ABC or OAC or whatever, from NYC, and she’s sitting at my desk in the Oval Office, and SHE’S THE PRESIDENT!
(slowly)
Yuge, it’s so satisfying to see you sitting in your cell
Losing the House and Senate and then everything fell
First you were impeached, convicted, removed, and gone
Then you were charged, convicted, and jailed, need I go on?
With your head shaved, in an orange jumpsuit you can surely see
There’s no chance you’ll ever be pardoned by me
So, you’re going to rot in your cell for as long as you live
Or perhaps you’ll be visited by some patriot… with a shiv
Chorus: Yuge, orange was always your color And no one ever called you a scholar You pretend to be what you are not And now it’s time for you to rot The future is going to suck…for you
I’m in the Oval Office and look who’s come to greet me
It’s your buddy from Russia and he can’t wait to meet me
He’s afraid ‘cause he knows I’m gonna make him end the war
‘Cause he knows that you didn’t care about handling that chore
And he starts laughing about how he took advantage of you
And you didn’t even realize what he was putting you through
He was amused every time, how he could easily get you to break
And all the dirt he said he had on you… was actually fake
Chorus: Yuge, you know, he called you a joke And said you’re gonna end up broke He also said you were so easy to be bought I guess that’s why he’s still here… and you’re not The future is going to suck…for you
And, Yuge, you’ll hate that your Ballroom is finito
I made it into the best free immigrant center, isn’t that neato
And you might notice the Oval Office is less rude
‘Cause I sold all your gold leaf to give the immigrants food
And, Yuge, you know what; this is the best
I had some trans athletes as some of my first guests
And then I filled up the entire White House grounds
With Wind Turbines and Solar Panels all around
Chorus: Now that we’ve thwarted your attacks You were such an evil quack But, fortunately, your wickedness was caught You thought you were clever … but you’re not The future is going to suck…for you
Bridge:
Yuge, I don’t know if you heard about Itty Bitty Nicky
He and his nanny Consuelo were caught up in something sticky
They were picked up by ICE ‘cause of their brown skin
They were separated and deported with no notice to their kin
It was your system and you made it totally bent
‘Cause no one knows where in the world the boy was sent
Chorus: Yuge, you really f-ed this up good Your own Press Secretary’s son gone from his hood Worst of all, they deported your lovely wife So, no joy for you for the rest of your life The future is going to suck…for you
Tag: And there’s no way out of your strife
Narrator: So, here we are at Yuge’s yuge decision point. Does he repent and become a good person, or does he continue down the path of evil? And you get to choose.
Which will it be: Happy Ending or Evil Ending?
“Take It”, sung by President Yuge (the happy ending)
Narrator: So here we are at Yuge’s yuge decision point. Does he repent and become a good person, or does he continue down the path of evil. And you get to choose. Which will it be: Happy Ending or Evil Ending? Good! You picked the Happy Ending.
Narrator: Yuge wakes the next morning and decides that he needs to resign and leave for his purchased sex island in the Caribbean.
Why did I sleep so late?
I need to get outta here
I guess I need to resign
That much is now clear
Take all the bitcoin
Where the hell do we keep it?
Grab the gold off the walls
I think I’m going to need it
Take my FIFA peace prize
And all the pictures of me
Put ‘em on my Arab jet
For everyone to see
Chorus: Twice:
Take it! Take it! Take it!
Take it! Take it! Take it!
One more thing before I go
Something I’ve worked hard on
I’ll be the first one to do it
I’ll give myself a Presidential pardon
Pardon—what a beautiful word
Like “affordability”
We’ve never seen anything like it
It’s so within my ability
Can I take the tariffs with me?
They’ve caused me so much delight
Raising gazillions for me
A testament to my might
Chorus
And crank up the auto pen
I have a bunch more pardons to go
Everyone who worked for me
And everyone I know
Everyone one with billions
So they can give me a ton
Pardon every one of them
The pardoning has just begun
Oh, and I never use an autopen
As I berated Sleepy Joe sharply
I have something better
I use an Auto-sharpie
Chorus
So, goodbye to the White House
You have served me well
It’s been such a boon
To keep myself out of hell
Fire up my Arab jet
I need to get out of town
Before they catch up to me
This whole façade is coming down
It concludes an era
All the lies and subterfuge
Nothing will ever be like it
The end of the rule of Yuge
Chorus
I’ll go to the Caribbean
A place that I’ll call Yuge-land
My final place of refuge
Where I’ve bought Jiffy’s sex island
So, so long, suckers
Your loss was always my gain
Nothing was ever like it
It’ll never be the same
Chorus
<any denouement?>
I win!
Narrator: OK, that was the Happy Ending, but I bet you also want to see/hear the Bad Ending, right? So, here it is…
Welcome to the Gates of Hell, sung by the People of the United States (Bad Ending)
Narrator: In the bad ending, Air Force Yuge, the old, poorly-maintained jet gifted to Yuge by Quatar, crashes into the Yuge Ocean, just offshore of Cape Yuge, and Yuge never makes it to Yuge Island. Rather, he goes straight to the Gates of Hell where the Citizens of the US render Yuge’s final judgment.
Welcome to the Gates of Hell
It’s no surprise that you’re here
We, the people of the US
Have all come out to jeer
You did whatever you liked
For years you’ve put us down
It was totally disgusting
In life, you knew no bounds.
You pardoned your rich friends
Your tariffs taxed us to the hilt
You cancelled many vaccines
Your ugly ballroom got built
But this is the end of your road
How do you like that sulfurous smell?
And, I hope you like it hot
Welcome to the Gates of Hell
Chorus: Welcome to the Gates of Hell We’re glad you finally fell We think you’ll fit in well Welcome to the Gates of Hell
We think you’ll fit right in
Hang out with the very worst
Cheaters, murderers, and rapists
The wicked and the cursed
Jeffrey, Adolf, and Genghis
Harvey,… well, right after he dies
Maybe even Jack the Ripper
Vlad the Impaler, and that cannibal guy
Chorus
Bridge:
We expect you’ll do well in Hell
Getting praise from the baddest guys
They’ll give you their adulation
And even give you a swell Hell-prize
You will make your mark
Hell will get a new brand
Hell will get a new name
When you change the name to Yuge-Land
Chorus: Welcome to the Gates of Yuge We welcome every schmuck and kluge Every cheat and every scrooge Welcome to the Gates of Yuge
Tag: You’ll be right at home Behind the Gates of Yuge
Narrator: And there you have it. From a twice elected President, to a dead failure. And it you want to go back in time and see the Happy Ending, here it is…
Credits.
<I’m not sure what needs to go here.>
Narrator: No wait! This just in. We have a bonus song. This song is from the time just after the new President is inaugurated. It’s sung by the unknown hero who has to start putting things back to normal, or at least what normal can become. And here it is…
Bonus Song: “The Great Unnaming” sung by the unknown hero.
I’ve got a new job
It starts right away
It could go on for a while
The people had their say
I have the tools I need
The path has been charted
I’ll hit the ground running
I’m eager to get started
I’ll start at the inauguration
And go for as long as it takes
There’s plenty to be done
Hit the gas; not the brakes
I’ll crowbar down the letters
Paint over that damn name
Delete the electronic sites
Get rid of all the shame
Chorus: It’s the Great Unnaming They’ve all got to go Removing an offensive name Ending our time of woe Prybar, electronic, or paint Showing no restraint His name is so defaming But now, it’s the Great Unnaming
The old President’s gone
But everything has his name
Now the people have spoken
And change is our aim
We have a new President
Her/His name doesn’t matter
She’s/He’s working for the people
I’m sure you heard the chatter
And finally, the old name comes down
From all the government places
I’m on a mission
I will end this disgrace
First, is the Kennedy Center
Then, the Institute of Peace
Next, take his name off Flag Day
Will wonders never cease?
Chorus
Then all the buildings
And the battleships and fighter jets
Remove the disgrace
But we’re still stuck with his debts
Maybe a few new names
Like a sewage treatment plant
Or a federal penitentiary
That would be a new slant
Bridge:
And there’s a few names that will remain forever:
Trump xenophobia
Trump tariffs, Trump inflation
Trump healthcare premiums
Trump prescription drug prices
Trump racism, Trump sedition
(need I go on?)
